So, it began. Yesterday evening I (by which I mean we) went to the gym for the first time in six months. It wasn’t the awful experience I had been expecting, but I have no idea what will happen next. I even managed to recall how to operate some of those awful treadmill machines. Although I went to the gym last year, I only went to the pool, and the machines have been updated since then; they look like spacecraft control consoles. I kept expecting to hear Kirk behind me shouting about warp factors. While walking/running/cycling in the air-conditioned luxury of a gym I watched one of the many television screens provided for my entertainment. Except, nothing was entertaining. Not even a slightly soaked Westlife in their new video (Obvious, released 23rd February) on Chart Show TV could keep me interested for longer than two minutes. I must have channel-hopped more than I do at home.

Naturally, I ache. I have taken this as a sign that I might have started doing something good to my body rather than believing I have damaged myself in some way. Now I must work on the intake of all those lovely foods which I like to consume – man (or should that be I?) was not born to live on salad leaves alone.

While on the subject of appearance, take the BBC’s smile test and see how you do. In my big-headed way I scored 18 out of 20 which I feel is quite good. And then add your thoughts to the British teeth question at BoiFromTroy!

UPDATE: You know how, when you were at school, there was always somebody bigger, smarter and generally better than you no matter how hard you tried? Well, if you read the comments, you’ll see Jase had 19 out of 20. I must try harder! The question is, did he fail on a fake or a genuine?

On this day…

On this day…

In a fit of self-deprecation, I mentioned in my last entry that you don’t care what I say here. So you won’t care if I turn you into an invisible friend (but unlike the version I had as a five-year-old, who was the excuse for opening the car door while travelling at speed). You, my imaginary friend, have a purpose. You see, you are going to be my gym buddy.

Ha, I hear you cry, you can’t find the time to go to the gym. Your busy social life precludes you from even contemplating exercise. Well, my trusty invisible friend, that is but a weak excuse, and I am going to take you with me. I will not tolerate that lazy and unhealthy attitude. You see, you are gaining the pounds (don’t tell me you only deal in kilos), and I am going to be the one to make you go and exercise and lose the flab. I won’t listen when you say you’re going to the pub (you should have joined me in giving up drink), and I won’t tolerate you going to sit in the sauna rather than working out. I won’t stand for your nervousness when entering the gym, and I won’t listen when you say, ‘but everyone’s looking at me’.

No, my invisible friend, we are commencing a journey, and it’s for your own good.

And we start next Monday.

UPDATE: The alternative to you becoming my gum buddy was posting a picture of my ever-growing stomach on the site as a motivation. But then I thought I might be visiting you in the hospital as you recovered from the shock, so you can’t get out of it that way.

On this day…

On this day…